For All The Lady's

[UMPIRE13]

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied.
"The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights,
everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two
out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on
branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain," reported Eve.
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came
in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc..........she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced.
"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said," You know, Eve, you are right. How
could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put the useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that story about the rib?????

[UMPIRE13]

Age of Innocence

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention he noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he
replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

[UMPIRE13]

Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands.

The minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight." She replied.

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

[wildcat66]

Heeheee heee heeee

[mikepowell]

Hearing that the little girl squished the spiders under her heel.
Her father asked "Why did you do that?"

the sweet little darling said "None of that 'Brokeback Mountain' crap is happening in my garden!