My SSR: 2004 Redline Red SSR "HTRDGRL" Born On 8/19/2004 SSR Theme Song Chevrolet by Foghat
1 st Post of 2012
1st Post of 2012
Marking the almost 5 months (27th of this month) of Steve (my husbands) passing. Gaining what I am hoping is a sign that some healing is occurring I begin my first post of 2012. It’s a lengthy one (lol).
What I can tell you from the previous months is this:
Shortly after Steve passed I fell apart, lost interest in many things. All the while in the back of my mind knowing I had to push forward to survive. You see I felt like a failure from all you had done for us to beat this thing called “cancer”. We gave it every ounce of energy we had, but we just couldn’t save him……”cancer” beat us!
I’ve never felt so defeated in my whole life!!!! I’ve never missed anyone in my whole life as I do him!!!
I had to come to terms with many issues weighing heavy and this being one of them. Today I am coming to terms with many of these weighing issues. In addition the dreaded living without him, my whole life upside down, settling financials (which is still on-going today) and managing a household on my own as I was bound and determined to live on my own and NOT move in with my kids. As I look back today I don’t even recall taking care of some of these things yet somehow I did it all solo. Except for picking up Steve’s ashes, I knew I couldn’t do that alone and drive too.
As the days went on, each day I would take time to plan out what needed to get done, what could be put on hold for a little while, and trying to picture my life where I am today? Each of the steps I took have made it possible for me to stand on my own two feet and today I am living in and maintaining “our” home. Oh the things I’ve had to learn and how well I’ve learned them. You see even though many offered to help finish these items with me after Steve passed. When called upon it never happened and I knew that I had to learn myself in order to complete the many unfinished projects here. Today I am a master at many home improvement projects (including tools & machinery) and as I look around the home I am fully aware of just what we are all capable of when our lives are turned upside down.
Picking up a second job at an accountant office in addition to still working at the Engineering Co I have for the past 17 years has helped to keep me focused in addition to making more friends. The QuickBooks Business was slow in coming and I needed a stable income in order to maintain a safe haven and lifestyle. I still pick up work here and there when I can and I am currently working Saturday’s at the accountant office. My days are much filled but the nights are still difficult …coming home just isn’t the same anymore. It’s lonely, the house always seems cold (mostly likely due to the thermostat I installed to save money on the winter heating bill) with just a plain ole empty feeling even though it’s full of stuff.
The Holiday’s I’ll admit simply put “Sucked” and were so very difficult to get through for all of us. But then again everyday is difficult and sucks so the holidays should have been no different than the days’ of the week including weekends.
I still don’t sleep in our bedroom, was sleeping on the couch but since I became so depressed sitting in this room (the room he passed in) it is currently under construction. Painting it now and I know he would love it, he always hated having a room we didn’t sit in (lol). When he become ill we began using it again as it was the only room that would hold a hospital bed. He hated the dark green color. While I loved the Victorian arrangement in this room it needs to be changed to a lighter uplift. Part of the moving forward therapy I need. Steve always let me be the decorator and being the man he was he never told me he hated this room until last year (lol).
I’ve overcome a lot in the past 4 months, still have a way’s to go and I’m doing the best I can. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him. Slowly I am beginning to put the pieces of my heart back together.
Planning on attending the Maggie Valley and Key’s run this year. Don’t know if I can do both but the Key’s is a for sure. The SSR hasn’t seen much road time in the last year and I’m itching to take her for a long drive. Need to get that “lovin feeling” back.
To the WDC Committee of 2012, I need to apologize after Steve’s passing which as many of you know was one week after the WDC of 2011 (I swear and know he hung on so I could complete my last year hosting) I lost all interest in completing and finalizing the last year of accounting. With Steve so ill before hand, passing afterwards I never sat down to complete the financials for the year. I did get some of the items ready that need to be passed over. Ray I still need to reimburse you for the WDC 2011 lot food, a check will be coming shortly. Please accept my apologies for the delay …..YOU will have all the information by next month.
I’ve missed all of you so very much! It’s time to return as this site was the brightest part of my life over the past several years. Will be posting again soon……………
Not going back to read 4 months of posting ....so let me know if I've missed something of importance!
Love,
Debbie
HotRodGirl
__________________
In Need of Some R&R and Fresh Mountain Air
"A Woman And Her Truck It's A Beautiful Thing"
Last edited by HotRodGirl; 01-16-2012 at 06:18 PM.
My SSR: 2006 FPR (last day) Pacific Blue #24092 "Jax" Sig #12
You have been greatly missed on here! The forum hasn't been the same without you. I know we're all looking forward to your posts again. I know you have been going through allot as I've been keeping up with you on Facebook. We love you Deb! Welcome back!
My SSR: 2004 Redline Red SSR "HTRDGRL" Born On 8/19/2004 SSR Theme Song Chevrolet by Foghat
Quote:
Originally Posted by OP
Welcome back Dear...we missed you and speak well of you often.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doug Allen
Glad to hear from you Deb! I've missed you here, I know you're on Facebook quite a bit, but I don't care for FB.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Cat
You have been greatly missed on here! The forum hasn't been the same without you. I know we're all looking forward to your posts again. I know you have been going through allot as I've been keeping up with you on Facebook. We love you Deb! Welcome back!
It's good to be back and I've thought of all of you often as well
My work schedule is crazy these days so posting maybe limited to the weekends but that's better than none At least I was able to get on the site w/out balling my eyes out this time and I see we have some new smiles
My SSR: Ricochet Silver built 11-8-04, #17696. K&N, headers, Flowmaster,Trifecta Tuned, Phoenixed Tranny
Welcome back and i have lost my sister when i was 23, my 4.5 yr old niece when i was 25, then my Dad 7 years ago, my son died at age 16.5 5-1-05 and my Mom this last Feb. all i can tell you is it gets better and friends and family you have make a huge difference.
i have you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping Vickie and I get to meet you one day. i have read alot of your posts.
Dang good to see you here HRG. Hope you'll join us in the next "Weekend Live" thread as it been rather boring with just Dr Blue at such late hours ... LOL. (Don't tell Carl I said that ...)
Location: Maggie Valley, NC (Smoky Mtns.)/On The Road For The Winter
Posts: 18,595
My SSR: 2006 Aqua Blur FPR Chrome Inside & Out , 2004 Redline Red,TAZMOBILE (deceased)
Quote:
Originally Posted by HotRodGirl
Planning on attending the Maggie Valley and Key’s run this year. Don’t know if I can do both but the Key’s is a for sure. The SSR hasn’t seen much road time in the last year and I’m itching to take her for a long drive. Need to get that “lovin feeling” back.
You know I love you like a sister and I am so glad to see you back here. I hope to see you at the MV run but completly understand if you cant make it. The motohome is yours if you want it during that time or my spare bedroom, Your call. We are roomies in the Keys so I have that to look forward to.
My SSR: 2004 Redline Red SSR "HTRDGRL" Born On 8/19/2004 SSR Theme Song Chevrolet by Foghat
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gina
You know I love you like a sister and I am so glad to see you back here. I hope to see you at the MV run but completly understand if you cant make it. The motohome is yours if you want it during that time or my spare bedroom, Your call. We are roomies in the Keys so I have that to look forward to.
The Key's Trip is very special to me and you know why. I am still shooting to be at MV but my second job may get in the way. The first job isn't a problem I already have the time off for the Key's run negotiated it in at interview didn't want to push it with two vacations
Welcome back HRG.
Everyone has been waiting for your return.
I have always liked this prayer and would like to share it with you to help your healing.........
And now as you go on your way, may Christ go with you.
May he go before you to show you the way.
May he go behind you to encourage you.
Beside you to befriend you.
Above you to watch over.
And within you to give you His peace.
Jim
p.s.
Welcome back Gina !!!
It's been pretty quiet here.
Deb. I am so proud of you!! I KNOW it took a lot to get back on the site!! You are an amazing woman... and thrilled to see you back here! I know its hard right now.. but the fun will come back into your life..in little bits.. small.. little things... I remember when BOTH our lives were a bit more carefree... Looking back.. I thought this would give you a giggle from 2009... it made you laugh then.. hopefully it will again.. we will laugh again.. WE WILL!... Weekend Live - April 24th to 26th 2009
My SSR: "Kate" a Haughty Redhead, '06 Redline FPR 6 spd. #23333 Build Date 2/16/06
Quote:
Originally Posted by HotRodGirl
1st Post of 2012
I’ve missed all of you so very much! It’s time to return as this site was the brightest part of my life over the past several years. Will be posting again soon……………
Not going back to read 4 months of posting ....so let me know if I've missed something of importance!
Love,
Debbie
HotRodGirl
You haven't missed a thing Debbie. Been pretty boring without you.
Great to have you back.
__________________
"Such are the Vagaries of Life"
Ah, I'm Just Truckin' With Ya!
My SSR: #23198 06 Blue 3SS #375 of 532 - Birthday 12/21/05 - Took delivery 9/5/06 (2nd owner)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doug Allen
Glad to hear from you Deb! I've missed you here, I know you're on Facebook quite a bit, but I don't care for FB.
I agree with this statement in total. Five months is an interesting number in that it is the time between when I lost my wife and I bought the and the time between the pruchase of the and finding this site. This site has provided me with the most strength in my recovery and I know it will do the same for you. I feel that you know it as well.
Looking forward to seeing you at the Keys Run. If there is anything i can do for you please feel free to ask. I will give it my best.
Welcome home! Keep the faith and continue on the path you have started. You will heal and your memories will be a source of strength just as your family is.
__________________
Use the SSR Parts Exchange It works for us all BlueStreak - One of the Blues Brothers
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You have been greatly missed on here! The forum hasn't been the same without you. I know we're all looking forward to your posts again.
At least I was able to get on the site w/out balling my eyes out this time 
and I see we have some new smiles 
SSR DOX DACHSHUND OWNER or is it the other way around??????
Debbie you are the greatest!
! 
I already have the time off for the Key's run negotiated it in at interview didn't want to push it with two vacations 
VIVA DE FUNK
SANDY
and the time between the pruchase of the 
Linear Mode
