Women....

[pikeville904]

Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
---------------------- ---------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
- ------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A guy once told me..."
--------------------------- ------------------------ ----------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
------------------------------------ -- -----------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------ -------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[mi mztrz]

DUDE!! as funny as that is you are in so much trouble with the Ladies! GOOD JOB

[pikeville904]

Just remember.... when I post something with the on the subject line.... it usually means that it's a funny. Most have figered that out by now and no animals were harmed in the production of the funny!!

[mi mztrz]

Originally Posted by pikeville904

Just remember.... when I post something with the on the subject line.... it usually means that it's a funny. Most have figered that out by now and no animals were harmed in the production of the funny!!

Does that work??? i'm going to print out a whole bunch of those smilies so i can hand them out to my wife

[ssrgarage]

I am already in trouble with my wife I don't need any help here!!!!!

[Gina]

Take That!

[ssrgarage]

I think you said the end of the week !! If I remember right!!! Tim

[CQQL_SSR]

[QUOTE=pikeville904;229525
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake
-------------------------------------------------------------------

[/QUOTE]

I can vouch for that one 3 times.

[blueroadster06]

I am sitting on the fence and just watching this one.....

Pikeville904 I hope you own a blue you might need it after a few ladies read those jokes......

[pikeville904]

Nope, I'm just a BLUR!!!

[wildcat66]

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.


How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."



How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.


How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.


What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.


What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.


What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

[mi mztrz]

See i told you! now u went and angered the gods. Kinda suprised we havent heard from HRG yet

[blueroadster06]

angered the Gods/???????/,,plus he made the ladies mad too

[XSELER8]

1 point for WC
1 point for Gina
1 point for HRG (in advance)

A Blue Roadster would not be a bad idea.

[blueroadster06]

I would not be a good sacrifice.......I am not a virgin.........

[HotRodGirl]

Originally Posted by mi mztrz

See i told you! now u went and angered the gods. Kinda suprised we havent heard from HRG yet

What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."

What do men and beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him.

[wildcat66]

HRG came through

[Gina]

Originally Posted by XSELER8

1 point for WC
1 point for Gina
1 point for HRG (in advance)

A Blue Roadster would not be a bad idea.

Do I get another point?

[wildcat66]

point

[XSELER8]

Originally Posted by Gina

Do I get another point?

OK
1 point WC
2 points Gina
1 point HRG

[WearyEagle]

Originally Posted by wildcat66

HRG came through

The Terrible Trio Strikes Again . . .

[Gina]

One more point before I go to bed.

[XSELER8]

Originally Posted by Gina

One more point before I go to bed.

A three pointer at the buzzer. A Hat trick for Gina....Good Nite

[wildcat66]

who you callin' terrible?

[pikeville904]

And look at all the fun everyone had .... reading all the funnies about each other. I'll give 10 points to each of the girls. Yea, I 'm just like that !!:bannana: :bannana:

[Gina]

Its to early for this but what the heck.

[pikeville904]

Originally Posted by Gina

Its to early for this but what the heck.

I never underestimate the powers that a women has......

[XSELER8]

Originally Posted by pikeville904

I never underestimate the powers that a women has......

Pikeville904....you created monsters. (where did the banana go)?

[HotRodGirl]

Originally Posted by pikeville904

I'll give 10 points to each of the girls. Yea, I 'm just like that !!:bannana: :bannana:

Rack Em up

10 10 10 10

[HotRodGirl]

UNDERSTANDING MEN


"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a
real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner
was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but
will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you
just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more
outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."