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Machell
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NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark
naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!


HONESTY



My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in
the
garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom
and
came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell
in
the toilet
a few
days ago.

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."


KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter
to answer
the
phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's
hitting
the bottle."


MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies
grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and
then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued

writing the
report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is
that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she
extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"


POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking,
and
I saw a
little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked.. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and
then
towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"


ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The
various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at
a
pair of false
teeth
soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions,
she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe
this!"


DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the
next
morning."

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a
small box and cotton
batting, then
dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father
always said: "Glory be
unto the
Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into the hole he gooooes."


SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother "I can't read, I can't write
and they
won't
let me talk!"


BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked
up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy
called

out." What
have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
 
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